I offended my wife and she insisted a million sorries were not enough. I didn’t know what to do, so I asked her to choose a punishment she considered satisfactory.
She said I should do all chores for one week. I quickly agreed. That was the worst punishment I served in living memory.
If you think you have patience, wait till your wife leaves you with two kids and goes to gist with a neighbor for hours. One hour seemed like 1 year. Yelling and commanding fell on deaf ears; it was as if the kids conspired with their mother to raise their disturbance to power 2. I couldn’t even take my calls; Facebook update was no-go area; the crying was loud and persistent.
What of the poopooing and peeing? And for someone easily disgusted, I was sooo beaten and alarmed.
The house cleaning, dishwashing were something else. I learnt that one child can use 3 dresses/wears per day.
Preparing their meals was like Kachikwu and fuel. Preparing ordinary pap was like Buhari and 2016 budget. I wasted a couple of dishfuls before I came close to getting it right. Then, the feeding proper was like Fashola and electricity. For every spoon each of them took, we had to run around for several minutes. I was furious but they were laughing and playful.
By the second day, I was completely humbled and asked for amnesty. Processing the application was like Nigerian police doing crime investigation. Approving the application was like Nigerian military defeating Boko Haram in Sambisa forest.
In the end, to win a temporary amnesty, it took APC tactics on Nigerians; I made so many promises without thinking of how to fulfill any. I just wanted to get off the punishment.
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